The itchy sweater from Aunt Glenda

The shiny green and neon pink necktie from my teenager

The wet glue from the dried macaroni blob my nephew gave me

The kilt and matching turtleneck from my brother and his wife

The piece of “modern art” that looked like someone puked on paper and folded it into a hat from Aunt Bernice

The fruitcake from Uncle Bob (as well as the one from my cousin Vanessa and the one from my great-aunt Lucretia)

The statue of a dog chasing its tail from my boss

The teeth that Grandpa Max accidentally mailed me

The singing water buffalo statue from my mother

The jar of deer kidneys from my stepfather

The “original” before-he-was-famous sketch from my college-aged nephew. (It would be rather impressive and priceless if he were a four-year-old.)

The two thousand piece custom jigsaw puzzle of my Mom’s face from my elder sister

The uncooked sausage my father sent me from Germany without ensuring proper refrigeration during transit

The grainy “blackmail” photos Uncle Bud sent me of his next door neighbor. (Even after asking I still don’t know why.)

The last year’s Aunt Glenda sweater from my brother

The look of disappointment from my wife when she opened the gift from me