The itchy sweater from Aunt Glenda
The shiny green and neon pink necktie from my teenager
The wet glue from the dried macaroni blob my nephew gave me
The kilt and matching turtleneck from my brother and his wife
The piece of “modern art” that looked like someone puked on paper and folded it into a hat from Aunt Bernice
The fruitcake from Uncle Bob (as well as the one from my cousin Vanessa and the one from my great-aunt Lucretia)
The statue of a dog chasing its tail from my boss
The teeth that Grandpa Max accidentally mailed me
The singing water buffalo statue from my mother
The jar of deer kidneys from my stepfather
The “original” before-he-was-famous sketch from my college-aged nephew. (It would be rather impressive and priceless if he were a four-year-old.)
The two thousand piece custom jigsaw puzzle of my Mom’s face from my elder sister
The uncooked sausage my father sent me from Germany without ensuring proper refrigeration during transit
The grainy “blackmail” photos Uncle Bud sent me of his next door neighbor. (Even after asking I still don’t know why.)
The last year’s Aunt Glenda sweater from my brother
The look of disappointment from my wife when she opened the gift from me