Turkey: (n.) What Mom calls the key to Dad’s heart.

Ham: (n.)  Something my Mom calls my Dad when he sees his buddies from high school.

Sweet potatoes: (n.) Weird orange knobby things that are neither potatoes nor sweet.

Smashed potatoes: (n.)  Potatoes you throw off the second floor balcony.

Stuffing: (n.) What Aunt Bertha says she’ll hug out of me.

Cranberry Sauce: (n.) Can shaped deliciousness.

Succotash: (n.) A game you play when you try to suck Lima beans and/or corn into your mouth off of the spoon by inhaling.

Suffering Succotash: (n.) Lima beans and corn that Aunt Bertha tries to suck in. Her breath is not the most pleasant.

Parade: (n.) An excuse not to help prepare the food.

Football: (n.)An excuse to not do the dishes (at least that’s how my Mom defines it).

Pilgrim: (n.) Pharmacists who don’t smile.

The Original Turkey: (n.) What my Dad calls Abraham Lincoln (for making Thanksgiving a national holiday).

Pumpkin Pie: (n.) What Aunt Bertha says she’ll make out of me cuz “I’m soooo cute”. Gag me with a spoon.

Cornucopia: (v.) How you deal with eating your corn. (My sister Janie does not Cornucopia well.)

Gravy Boat: (n.) A lower end version of the Gravy Train.

Thanksgiving: (n.) A holiday I’m grateful for