Turkey: (n.) What Mom calls the key to Dad’s heart.
Ham: (n.) Something my Mom calls my Dad when he sees his buddies from high school.
Sweet potatoes: (n.) Weird orange knobby things that are neither potatoes nor sweet.
Smashed potatoes: (n.) Potatoes you throw off the second floor balcony.
Stuffing: (n.) What Aunt Bertha says she’ll hug out of me.
Cranberry Sauce: (n.) Can shaped deliciousness.
Succotash: (n.) A game you play when you try to suck Lima beans and/or corn into your mouth off of the spoon by inhaling.
Suffering Succotash: (n.) Lima beans and corn that Aunt Bertha tries to suck in. Her breath is not the most pleasant.
Parade: (n.) An excuse not to help prepare the food.
Football: (n.)An excuse to not do the dishes (at least that’s how my Mom defines it).
Pilgrim: (n.) Pharmacists who don’t smile.
The Original Turkey: (n.) What my Dad calls Abraham Lincoln (for making Thanksgiving a national holiday).
Pumpkin Pie: (n.) What Aunt Bertha says she’ll make out of me cuz “I’m soooo cute”. Gag me with a spoon.
Cornucopia: (v.) How you deal with eating your corn. (My sister Janie does not Cornucopia well.)
Gravy Boat: (n.) A lower end version of the Gravy Train.
Thanksgiving: (n.) A holiday I’m grateful for