Experiment #112

Scientists Dad Lied About

Frederick Nerney — first described how and why those little balls appear on clothes of certain fabrics

Geronimo Fuzz — first to name the different species of dust bunny

Colonel Samuel Diaper — while stationed in Manila, his wife went out by herself for the first time since having their child. When the infant soiled his clothes Colonel Diaper, with some difficulty, cleaned the baby up. Not wishing to change all of the clothes again he wrapped the baby’s bottom in a rag. The rest is history.

Ludwig Von Wiggenstein — invented the German variety of the modern hairpiece, often called a toupee in honor of his wife’s childhood nickname.

Jeremiah Klink — researched the various tones of bells. Remained extremely interested in non-musical sounds.

Gamma Ray — invented lasers and radiation, building upon the work of his father, Beta, and his grandfather, Alpha and naming several types of radiation for them. Gamma, however, did not want his son, Delta, to become a scientist. He secured him a good job in the grocery business as Gamma believed his family needed a change.

Dr. T. R. Ducken — the first zoologist to see the Turducken in the wild.

Norbert Crosswalk — instrumental in defining the standard colors and stripe widths on the crosswalks that bear his name. By weird coincidence pedestrian paths were already called crosswalks, but that never stopped Norbert from setting the record straight at dinner parties and on public transportation.

Aldus Wifflewaffle — researched various aspects of a variety of things to determine if those aspects were indicative of other properties. Results were inconclusive.

Admiral Lincoln Log Nelson — invented children’s building blocks

Botchedo Ermanus — Fourteenth century scientist known only for failure. Eventually when an experiment went wrong or human error skewed the results it was said that someone “Botchedoed” it. Later it was shortened to “Botched.”

Octagonous Stop — invented the stop sign. Later worked with Trinity Yield and Onus Way to develop the Yield and One Way signs respectively. His work was also instrumental in the development of highway markers and, of course, rest stop signs.

Luscious Maximus Superbo — third century Roman philosopher who invented superlatives.

Lionel Forest — discovered that men who did not play gulf at least once a week were surly, mean and hard to live with. Though the results were printed in several prestigious, peer-reviewed journals and avowed by many famous, influential, and totally real scientists, Mom is still skeptical.

Peer Review the Experiment

Tell the author how he did and how he could do better.
Be Honest. Be Specific. Be Constructive.