Use less cologne.

Don’t bring up super hero movies.

Girls do not seem impressed by your impersonations of the cast of the original Star Trek.

Maybe you should find a wingman.

Find a wingman who doesn’t scare away the girl you were talking to.

Find a wingman who doesn’t leave with the girl you were talking to.

Find a wingman who doesn’t dance on the bar, rip off his shirt, and scream, “I am the King of Fancy Pants!” Every time you go somewhere.

Don’t wait for a pattern, one aforementioned weird episode should be enough.

Meeting women on Craigslist is exactly what you should have expected it to be.

Elderly relative’s suggestions of ‘nice girls’ aren’t better than Craigslist.

Desperation does not smell good. Take a break.

Filling the Friday night void with video games won’t make you a more eligible bachelor.

Even if you like your work, working late on a Friday makes your boss happy, but no one else.

The Friday night bridge game at the nursing home should build character… And give Aunt Edith company.

These old ladies play for keeps.

Millie Vander’s granddaughter is cute.

This coffee shop has free wifi and pastries.

Double chocolate crumb cake equals delicious.

Millie Vander’s granddaughter frequents this establishment.

When greeting a girl, such as Millie Vander’s granddaughter, clean the double chocolate crumbs off your face first.

She’s got a nice smile.

Three bean burritos for lunch before the first date is a bad idea.

The fact that she accepted the second date is a blessing you don’t deserve.

She does not like spicy food, nor, unfortunately does your intestinal tract.

Third date. Third miracle.

She’s cute when she fails at karaoke. Next time fail with her.

Wow, what a smile.

She likes purple and the smell of lilacs.

She’ll tolerate the super hero movies for you.

Gifts make her eyes sparkle, even if it’s just a dandelion.

Insurance does not have a stupidity clause.

She will bandage your stupid hand and kiss your stupid face and hold your stupid head in her lap.

She likes your impersonations.

That does NOT make her look fat.

She loves you.

She likes that ring.

Her hair smells wonderful.

She has good taste.

Your future in-laws are not scary.

This was the happiest day of your life.

Honeymoon equals awesome.

Days at work are boring because she’s not there.

Socks go in the hamper not on the floor.

Forgetting obscure relatives birthdays is bad. Forgetting your anniversary is worse.

Your in-laws anniversary is November 22nd.

Whatever she might be saying right now, she loves you… And you love her.

Date night is still important.

Underwear goes in the hamper too.

Love does not require that she return it.

Doing the dishes is a form of love.

Work on your tone of voice.

Buy her flowers.

Hiding in your man cave isn’t solving this.

Put your socks in the dang hamper.

You don’t have to put up with this.

You are in this for the long haul.

She is worth it.

You are worth it.

Hold on.