The evil Dr. Slymee, creator of the première genetically mutated army of super slugs, (near) World Conqueror, and inventor of Slymeez hair gel seeks qualified hero to battle on regular occasions as nemesis. (His original nemesis is no longer available due to contract disputes and other legal issues).
Loves children and puppies and will be heartbroken if an evil villain attempted to slime them.
Seeks good and the betterment of mankind. Places that above his/her own desires/personal safety/tolerance for ickiness.
Given to witty repartee, but not over indulgent of it. Preferred: poor execution.
Willing to move heaven and earth to stop nefarious plots (but not actually able to do so)
Possessed of superpowers or at least above average photogenic abilities.
Must be of mature age (no children or adolescents, in teams or otherwise. Weirdly fast or slow aging ok as long as current age is mature. Child brain in adult body preferred.)
Willing on multiple occasions to participate in long discussions on philosophy and the fate of the world while tied up and facing a long, drawn out rube-goldbergian execution.
Ready to forgo financial compensation for all acts of courage, bravery, and selflessness
Willing to sign away photo rights for publicity and/or defamation/Photoshopping on bottles of Slymeez Brand Hair Gel.
Must have public weakness that is easy to exploit (readily available object or compound preferred, family or friends also acceptable. No unique mystical objects or cosmological alignments. )
Must be willing to go where nefarious plot is being hatched even if that’s inconvenient to current location/day job.
Lucha Libre Costume
Weakness(es) caused by slime or icky things
Makes good Mac and Cheese
Only serious applicants. Comic or tragic heroes need not apply.