The Gift

“Here. Here’s some body wash.”

“You implying something?”

“No”

“Why’s it half gone?”

“It gave me hives.”

“So naturally you gave it to me.”

“It’s free body wash, what do you want?”

“Dignity.”

 

Code Name

“Filibuster?”

“Yes.”

“That’s his spy name?”

“Better than Xylophone.”

“What’s wrong with ‘xylophone’? It’s cool. ‘Hey there gorgeous, I’m Xylophone.’ See? Cool. ‘Hey there gorgeous, I’m Filibuster.’ See? Stupid.”

“Bad pickup lines aren’t a ‘cool’ test”

“Says you.”

“You’re gonna die on your first mission.”

“At least I die cool.”

 

Crazy Person

“Hello. My name is Will and I’ll be your crazy person for this afternoon.”

The woman behind the glass didn’t laugh. “What time is your appointment?”

“Ummm, 3:30.”

“You’re certainly not our punctual person for this afternoon. Take a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

Pants

Our relationship ended over a pair of pants. But it wasn’t some secret lover’s pants or the lack of pants or even the presence of pants, it was just an ordinary pair of pants, well… Pantaloons, really… Well, pantaloons and my desire to wear them… Or possibly… my decision to wear them in public… Often… With my pirate costume…