Grin and bear it

One day, instead of going for a run, Steve sat down in his easy chair with a bowl of popcorn and a case of soda. He turned on the nature channel and watched people hike through the rolling hills and gentle slopes of his native country. Suddenly a bear came in the front door.  While Steve cowered in the kitchen, the bear tore apart his living room and ravaged his easy chair.

Moral: Exercise isn’t just for people on TV.

The Spork of Destiny

Jason sneaked past the No Trespassing, Danger, and Keep Out signs. He ducked under the fence and entered the old clock tower. The “tick” of the clock was almost deafening. With satisfaction he watched the gears spin and whirl in the light of his flashlight. He walked around for a while dodging gears and stepping over winding mechanisms. Just as he reached the clock bell it sounded. It reverberated off the walls and shook Jason to the core. He stumbled then fell down through the machinery until he found himself caught on a gear. He tried to sit up but the sleeve of his shirt was caught. Two gears were pulling him towards them. Jason scrabbled in the dust to find something, anything to jam in there. Suddenly his hand touched something cold and metallic. His fingers closed on it and he shoved it into the spinning gears. The machine stopped and Jason let out a sigh of relief. He said a prayer of thanks for the random metal spork and the unconventional journey it must have taken to get there.

Moral: A spork could save your life, but so could making better choices

Ladie & the Pasta

Once there was a girl who loved spaghetti. She ate it three times a day for twelve weeks straight. After that she no longer loved spaghetti and would puke every time she smelled marinara sauce. That was quite inconvenient when her first date took her to an Italian restaurant.

Moral: everything in moderation, particularly spaghetti.

Formerly Stanleyville

On the morning of October 17th the Stanleyville Town Council unanimously voted to change the town’s name to Vincentsburg. Vincent hailed this as a great step forward for the town. Stanley, however, was not pleased.

Moral: Your ego will find you out