Experiment #393

Fozzworth Diplomacy Part 3

With Ralph sick, Lord Cuspid on a visit to his constituency, Jeffrey on one of his trips to see the Jolly Red Elf, and, of course, Fiz working a double shift gathering teeth, Sekh, head of security, had woken Frannella up from a deep sleep when Lord Martuke arrived. 

As aide-de-camp to the Duke, She was the highest ranking person he could find. Once Sekh had repeated the issue three times she wiped the sleep from … Read More

Experiment #392

Fozzworth Diplomacy Part 2

“Well of course I trust you,” Fiz said more worried than usual about Ed and Fred’s plans.

“Good,” said Ed. 

“Politically we need the Chancellor to reinstate you as Lord High Grumgrum of the Dwarven Regency,” added Fred. 

“The Duchess of Tooth has held the position for the last thousand years,”

“But the transfer is by no means guaranteed from one ruler to the next.”

“Even more so this time with the change in gender.”

“He’s here to see whether you’re … Read More

Experiment #391

Fozzworth Diplomacy Part 1

Fiz appeared out of thin air with tired eyes. The tooth fairy control room was long past the height of activity. Only the first of the tiered rows of operations personnel remained. A janitor busied himself in the back of the room. Fiz walked up to the first row and yawned. “Kip, remind me to fire Ralph if he ever gets sick again.”

“That won’t solve your issue, Sire,” Kip said. Kip was an old elf … Read More

Experiment #390

Wipple Gang: 49 Part 4

“Sorry, Mavis,” I said automatically. 

“Don’t be sorry, Clem. Stand up for yourself. I like Stank cuz he’s honest, handsome as the day is long and don’t take lip from nobody, not even me.”

“Sorry, Mavis,” I said again. 

She shook her head. 

“But, Mavis, I—”

“Clem,” she said. “I’m with Peter and that’s final.”

I hung my head and sauntered toward the door. As I passed Stank, I looked up at him. He didn’t meet my eyes.

I wandered outside and … Read More

Experiment #389

Wipple Gang: 49 Part 3

They chomped and giggled all through dinner without a word or a nod at me or Cooter. Then after they ate, lickety split they ran right back to Mavis’ room. It went on like this for a few days till I couldn’t take it no more. I pounded on the door and shouted, “Open up in there!”

Stank opened the door with a half-smile on his face. “What’s going on here?” I asked tryin’ to keep … Read More

Experiment #388

Wipple Gang: 49 Part 2

“Can’t we rob some other bank?” I asked. “That place is tighter’n a muskrat’s death grip.”

“Ain’t no other bank gonna give us a payday that’ll get all three of us back to Earth,” Stank said. “And Old Man Cooter a retirement.”

“Well wouldn’t that mean we’d get stopped soon as we tried to buy tickets?” I asked. “They’d knows the money didn’t pop out of Stank’s tuchus.”

“Stop worrying, Clem.” Stank said. 

“We’ll be fine,” Mavis said. She … Read More

Experiment #387

Wipple Gang: 49 Part 1

Mavis got itchy if she stayed in one place too long. We’d been staying with Old Man Cooter for almost a month and Mavis was acting like she had hives. Though that also could have been an allergy to the soap that had heretofore been a distant memory to each of us. 

Old Man Cooter required us to bath regularly. And when me and Stank had first done it the water was as black as ashes … Read More

Experiment #386

Wipple Gang: Klondike Part 4

The old man belted out a laugh. “Ha! She used to say that too.”

“Who?” Stank asked.

“My daughter,” the old man replied. “Your friend here reminds me a lot of her.” His eyes shone with memory. “A few more moments with someone like her. Well… It’s done me good.”

“What’re we gonna do now?” I asked maturely and not at all whiney-like.

“Your call, Mavis,” Stank said.

Mavis dropped the gun. “That meal still a possibility?” she asked. 

“Planning a … Read More

Experiment #385

Wipple Gang: Klondike Part 3

Old Man Cooter shook his head. “What do you want from me?”

“To go see your house,” she said

“And what’s in your barn!” I added. 

“Okay,” Old Man Cooter said, “hop in.” 

Stank and I smiled and hopped in the back of the truck. Mavis sat shotgun and kept the laser gun on him at all times. 

He took us back to his house and put some soup on to boil. 

“Now let’s see that barn,” Mavis said.

“Follow me,” Old … Read More

Experiment #384

Wipple Gang: Klondike Part 2

“Can I help you?” he asked. 

“Old Man Cooter! So good to see you…” Mavis said trailing off as if he knew what she were talking about.

“Okay. Uh, what can I do for you?”

“How’s the weather?”

“I’d say rather cold.”

Having finished everything she could think to say, she just stared at him. 

“You three okay?” he asked. “Those two boys look like a coyote rung the life out of ‘em. You need a hot meal or something?”

Stank and … Read More

Experiment #383

Wipple Gang: Klondike Part 1

After the train job went South, both in the direction that maglev train went and in the cash that never left it, the Wipple Gang, me, “Stank” Foreman, and Mavis Wipple went on a “cleansing fast,” least that’s what Mavis called it. Stank called it rebelling against the “Food Czar” …whoever that was. I always just called it being too broke to eat. 

So we was hungry for work and for food when Mavis came to … Read More

Experiment #382

Wipple Gang: Gold Rush

We called ourselves the Wipple gang cuz Mavis said we should. Me and Stank had had our name on plenty of fool’s errands before so we were right fine with her taking this one. Well that and the fact that she could beat us up one side of the spaceport and down the other. 

When we looked at the state of our finances, which was to say we had none, Mavis got it in her head … Read More

Experiment #381

Wipple Gang: Prospect Part 2

She stood over him for a minute prepared to teach him another lesson. Just then Jimmy Fox, Johnny’s oaf of a brother walked in the saloon. 

“What’s this here?” he roared.

I looked at Stank. “Raise ya a stint in the cooler,” he said and winked at me. I nodded back. The bar fight that followed was one for the record books. They, Stank and I, still talk about the great brawl of ‘41 as if the … Read More

Experiment #380

Wipple Gang: Prospect Part 1

“I’d give her three days,” I said, “till this stink hole breaks her.” But I was wrong, it took a lot longer’n that. 

Lots a lost souls flew out here to strike it rich in the Plaskar deposits that were “everywhere.” Only problem was any vein big enough for a rumor to travel back to Earth was twice bled dry by the time the dreamers got here.

Beyond the fortune hunters. no one came here ‘less they … Read More

Experiment #379

Awakening Part 2

“One time the Mounties were playing hockey and one broke a bone and we were like, ‘Glad you’re not American, eh?’”

“And a rather terrible stereotype…” Samuel’s mind raced. He’d known Thaddeus for years. “a useless anecdote… Several accents in the space of a few lines. Oh, no… he’s—the author—he’s a hack—and he’s editing…”

Samuel felt the tomb falling down around him. The ancient stone and inscription melted into an alien planet with bright purple walls and … Read More