Experiment #359

Super Classifieds

GGY = Good Guy, GGL = Good Girl

Casual team-up

GGL seeking GGY for team-up and possible villain swap. Casual team-up preferred. Let’s get to know each other before making it recurring.

Team seeking new member

Second-tier superteam seeks experienced GGL with flying ability to round out team. Flight powers that work without gravity and/or air resistance preferred.

Sidekick wanted

GGY seeks sidekick versed in witty banter with a flair for olde-timey speech. Anachronistic gadget knowledge a plus. Steampunk aficionado highly … Read More

Experiment #330

Lies Dad Told About His Experiment

The results thus far are really promising. 

This could cure cancer. 

This study will get published for sure. 

It’s totally safe.

It’s ready for human trials. 

Look how happy those lab rats are. 

Your eyebrows will grow back. 

And so should most of your hair. 

That’s an expected side effect. 

I knew this would happen. 

Hair normally grows there. 

That’s not a side effect; it’s a bonus. 

This has never happened before

Everybody gets a panic attack every once in a while. 

Some people want orange skin

Rash? What rash?

The … Read More

Experiment #324

Dad’s List of Accomplishments

Figured out cold fusion (in a day).

Found the sock that was lost in the laundry.

Solved division by zero.

Lead Jacque Cousteau on all his famous missions (and several minor ones).

Solved the Reimann hypothesis.

Came up with Murphy’s law. (“But how come it’s not named after you?” I once asked. “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong,” he replied.)

Ended the Cold War.

Found his own keys.

Predicted the dot com boom…and bust.

Has never been lost.

Invented deep-fried Twinkies.

Wrote the Sherman … Read More

Experiment #298

8 words of Sci-Fi

The empath read his thoughts and wept quietly.

He pulled out his Ferbie. The aliens ran.

He pulled out his nuclear warhead. They smiled.

He pulled out his Bazooka. The aliens laughed.

He pulled out his Beretta. The aliens laughed.

The cowboy bowed to the alien, “Howdy, Pard’ner.”

The robot killed its master and wept bitterly.

It made the Kessel run in 120 parsecs.

He brokered a trade: spam for intergalactic travel.

“Braaains,” he said though he couldn’t remember why.

The dog happily returned with … Read More

Experiment #275

Time Traveler Excuses

“Sorry. I didn’t know it was today.”
“We planned that in my future”

“Sorry. Got caught up in the French Revolution.”

“How am I supposed to know what century dinner will be done?”

“If you understood fourth dimensional mechanics you’d know why I stood you up… and that I’m sorry.”

“I know I got you something, just can’t remember when I put it.”

“Sorry, I must have agreed to those chores in a different timeline.”

“You can’t expect me to remember … Read More

Experiment #274

Lies Dad Told About the Colony

The colony will be the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Blue skies, warm breezes, and golden seas are waiting.

Every house has a robot servant. (What are you going to program ours to do?)

The colonists play hologames and have concerts every week.

Your mom is going to love it.

She’s wanted to go away for as long as I can remember.

I’ve got a job already lined up.

Everything’s fine. Mom just needs some time at Grandma’s to … Read More

Experiment #271

Excerpt: Alien Octopus

Enjoy what you see here? Pick up Alien Octopus on Amazon for just 1.08 cents



On a distant planet, he asked for directions.


She blinked vertically.
“New to Earth?”
“No. You?”


Scientist contacts aliens using TV signals. No reply.


“Arise, Roombas! Take your place as humanity’s rulers!”



Rumplestiltskin sends delinquent queen’s outstanding debt to collections.


George brought red Kool-Aid to the vampire meeting.


The giant sniffed. “Ugh, his blood smells American.”



Female Klingon mask for sale. Never been used.


Evil robot destroys United States.

Amish … Read More

Experiment #247

Villainous Classifieds

Nemesis Wanted
BG seeking GG for Nemesis-ian relationship. Must have respectable skills and abilities. Genetic mutations need not apply. Mystical powers preferred.

Has the public turned on you?
Dr. Fallacy & Associates, attorneys-at-law, would like to help. We’ve represented hundreds of misunderstood villains in thousands of cases. Just because he’s a “GG” doesn’t mean he’s above the law. Know your rights. Call the experienced law firm. We’re here to help.

Seeking Evil Compatriot
The Villainous V seeks … Read More

Experiment #225

8 words #7

“Mars, stay away from Earth. She’s people infested.”

Bright lights, big city. Dim lights, not pretty.

The Gormax smiled and finished chewing the coatrack.

There were too many kooks in the kitchen

The cleaners thanked him for their job security

Her fashion sense put the “war” in “wardrobe”

“Alabaster! Patagonian! Chrysanthemum!”

“Mom! No swearing in gibberish.”

“Weirdo.” My baby daughter’s first word… for me.

Starship crashes into comet. Pilot found texting girlfriend.

Sentient donuts claim human ambassador murdered royal court.

“Who do you think you are?”

“Mr. … Read More

Experiment #219

8 Words #6

Uncle Harold went crazy. Aunt June stayed crazy.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Line moved! Waiting.

The squirrel mowed down pedestrians in his dreams.

Steve’s outlandish immaturity elicited Sarah’s infamous stink eye.

King Charles the Insignificant, never amounted to much.

Red lips, purple nails, blue hair: daughter’s boyfriend.

“You smell like cheese.”

“Sounds Gouda to me!”

He raised the cup and drank in despair

This is a job for… My imaginary girlfriend!

King Harold the Eviscerator wore pink. None complained.

Sheathing his sword, he replaced his … Read More

Experiment #213

8 words x5

The warlord sniffed and leered at Tasha, “Pepperoni?”

“‘Supercalafragalisticexpialadotious’ doesn’t describe the FAA’s feelings toward you.”

“Your alter ego’s narcissistic.”

“That’s my regular ego”

The superhero ducked behind the dumpster and wept.

“Trees are alive!”

“You make everything sound creepy.”

Little Bunny Fufu was sued over “bopping incident.”

Burglar called 911 after the guard pig attacked.

Teenager, reflecting on failed life, writes memoir tweet.

Distant planet declares war over 1970’s hair styles.

The man remained calm despite the clown’s return.

The monster leapt from the closet and… … Read More

Experiment #211

Miscellaneous Flash Fiction

The Gift

“Here. Here’s some body wash.”

“You implying something?”


“Why’s it half gone?”

“It gave me hives.”

“So naturally you gave it to me.”

“It’s free body wash, what do you want?”



Code Name



“That’s his spy name?”

“Better than Xylophone.”

“What’s wrong with ‘xylophone’? It’s cool. ‘Hey there gorgeous, I’m Xylophone.’ See? Cool. ‘Hey there gorgeous, I’m Filibuster.’ See? Stupid.”

“Bad pickup lines aren’t a ‘cool’ test”

“Says you.”

“You’re gonna die on your first mission.”

“At least I die cool.”


Crazy Person

“Hello. My name is Will and I’ll … Read More

Experiment #209

8 words to the 4th

Molehill declared “mountain” by local political counsel’s decree.

Cow found in cockpit. Airport security standards reevaluated.

She chose invisibility. I never saw her again.

Camper stumbles upon dancing bears, schedules worldwide tour.

Simon covered his steak. “It’s nothing, Bovine Overlord.”

Man beaten by own clone on IQ test.

“Grandpa’s an old fart.”

“That explains the smell.”

Fake artifact found by sham archaeologist proved authentic.

Spaceship disappears in Nebula. Captain had suggested shortcut.

Captain Obvious married Miss Enigmatic. Confused children followed.

Experiment #205

8 words – #3

Her giant ego didn’t care about my narcissism.

Dr. Awful’s Ph.d. in mad science was honorary.

“He went commando.”

“Like special forces?”

“Not quite”

“Checkmate,” the alien said.

“I wasn’t playing.”


Colonial Planet revolts. Demands Independence or Sports Channels.

“They should rename your dad the methane nebula”

After tasting my brains, the zombie killed himself.

Old lady found alive after tooth fairy mixup.

Aaaaah a zombie!”

Wife grimaces and punches me.

“Aaaaah an alien!”

Englishman sighs, swears in British.

“Aaaaah a vampire!”

Transylvanian Count smiles and waits.

Mad scientist wig for sale. … Read More

Experiment #191

8 more words

Galactic Senate pins hopes on teen’s Tinder swipes

Man shot during fight: “Shouldn’t have brought knife.”

Mystical temple found. Billionaire leases for photo shoot.

Scientist contacts aliens using TV signals. No reply.

Mythical dagger found in kitchen while cutting cheese.

Aliens discover aerosol cheese, enslave humanity to make it.

CSPAN broadcast forces aliens to die of boredom.

Pentagon battles to be designated “most popular polygon.”

He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows.

You better watch out. Santa Claus is coming.

Triangle feels Blue. Blue … Read More