Experiment #64

Love & Taxes Part 2 of 3

int. psychiatrist’s office – day

We look over the shoulder of the psychiatrist at Bernie who sits in a chair across from her.  We can just barely see notes on the clipboard over her shoulder, “lonely, neurotic, unable to communicate with women“.

psychiatrist

What happened next?

Bernie

I was too nervous to ask her out so I shook her hand and left… by the time I was out the door, I was sure she wouldn’t’ve said yes, by the time I got to the train, I was sure she would have been horrified at the thought, and by the time I got to my house I was sure she would have punched me and thrown me out of her apartment.

psychiatrist

Is this a common way of thinking for you?

Bernie

Yeah… but it’s usually right.  For once… it wasn’t.

(Pause)

My sister called me a few days later and said Allyson was askin’ about me.  I must have called and hung up about fifteen times after that. The last time she picked up before I could hang up.

int. kitchen – Bernie’s apartment – day

Bernie holds the telephone in his hand.

Allyson (v.o.)

Hello?

Bernie

Oh, ummm… Hi… A-Allyson, it’s Bernie… errr… Bernard.

Allyson (v.o.)

Hi, how are you?

Bernie

I’m good… I-I-I was wonderin’, if you’d like to go the movies on Friday?

Allyson (v.o.)

Oh, Bernard, I’m sorry… I can’t…

Bernie (v.o.)

My heart fell through my shoes.

Bernie

Oh, well… You know, that’s ok… I understand…

Allyson (v.o.)

No wait, Bernard, you don’t understand… I can’t go Friday, but I’d love to go Saturday. If you’re free that is…

Bernie

Great!  It’s a date then!

Allyson

(slyly)

Yes, yes it is.

Bernie (v.o.)

I almost peed myself.

Allyson (v.o.) (cont.)

So you’ll pick me up at seven?

Bernie (v.o.)

I was barely able to grunt an affirmative.

Allyson (v.o.)

ok, see ya then, Oh and Bernard?

BERNIE

Yeah?

ALLYSON (V.O.)

Next time let it ring a little longer.  It’s really hard to get to the phone on the first ring.

BERNIE

You knew?

ALLYSON (V.O.)

(she laughs)

Caller ID.

BERNIE

Oh.

ALLYSON (V.O.)

(smiling through the phone)

See ya at seven.

int.
psychiatrist’s office – day

psychiatrist

And the relationship progressed from there?

Bernie

(smiling as he remembers)

Yeah it went great.  We had dinner, went to the movies.  She even likes comic book movies.  Everything went great for almost a year, until she blindsided me one day…

int. Bernie’s apartment – day

Allyson and Bernie sit facing each other on opposite ends of the couch laughing and talking.  Her sock clad feet are in his lap and he holds them with his hands.

Allyson

(laughing)

You are in rare form tonight, Bernard.

Bernie smiles a bit sheepishly.

Allyson (cont.)

Oh, do you wanna have dinner on Friday night?

Bernie

Oh, I can’t the new season of galactic space wars starts Friday and I wanna be up on my trivia for the conference this weekend.

Allyson

(smiling)

A nerd convention doesn’t count as a conference.

Bernie

(with mock pain)

That cuts deep, Ali, that cuts deep.

She throws a pillow at him.

Allyson

But, seriously, Friday night is the only night I have off from the hospital this week and you’re gonna be away all weekend…  can’t you tape it?

Bernie

(resistant)

I could…

Allyson

But I wanna see you.

Bernie

I always let you watch the shows you wanna watch.

Allyson

(getting perturbed)

Bernard, that’s not the point.

Bernie

Why do I have to sacrifice the shows I wanna watch, while you get to watch all the shows you wanna watch?

Allyson

Well it’s all about you isn’t it?  I try to spend some time with you and it becomes my fault?

Bernie

but…

Allyson

Bernard, this isn’t the first time…

She gets up.

Bernie

I’m sorry, I can tape the show…

As she speaks, she gathers her things, and puts on her shoes.

Allyson

You’re not getting it.  It’s not about the show.  It’s about you.

BERNIE

But…

ALLYSON

Bernard, I love you, but I think its time for you to decide what’s more important to you, me and our relationship or you and Galactic Star Battle.

Bernie

Galactic Space Wars…

Allyson

Whatever!

She walks out of the room and slams the door behind her.

To Be Continued…

Peer Review the Experiment

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