Experiment #177

How to Lose Weight in 3 Easy Steps

1. Don’t get your calories from liquids, save those for food.

2. Swallow a Briggsgan worm. This may sound unpleasant and it is, but you will shed pounds instantly! The Briggsgan worm is native to the Gorvan system and has subsisted for centuries as a parasite. It typically inhabits the Gorvanian Dracksma an ancient warrior race.

Unfortunately this race died off when a human colonist sneezed on the chief and infected her with what humans call the common cold. But the death of their species’ is your gain as we otherwise would not have discovered the miracle drug/parasite that is the Briggsgan worm when it searched for a host and found the very colonist who’d sneezed. Before the colonist died a horrid, painful death, his fellow colonists noted that he looked remarkably slimmer.

Historically the Briggsgan worm symbiotically removed the fat from these warriors leaving them lean and ready to fight in the army of whatever tribal chief currently held sway on their part of the Gorvan sub-continent. Now it can help you trim that figure!

Once you swallow the Briggsgan worm it will emit an acid that dissolves your fat from the inside. Literally watch the pounds fall off!

The FDA is proud to stand behind this amazing weight loss treatment (physically. They don’t endorse, support, or otherwise condone its use).

3. Swallow the Briggsgan Worm poison. Our physiology cannot handle the Briggsgan worm the way a Gorvanian Dracksma can. If you leave your worm in for more than a few minutes, it will finish dissolving your fat and get started on your internal organs, it particularly enjoys brain tissue. The poison will kill the worm while hopefully keeping you safe. (Briggsgan Bio Ltd. the maker of the Briggsgan worm poison is not responsible for your death if you ingest it nor if it has no effect on the Briggsgan worm. Also not responsible for pain, suffering, social impropriety, or brain damage as a result of using the Briggsgan worm or the Briggsgan worm poison.)

Start losing weight instantly for just seven easy payments of $199.95 (payments must be completed before receiving your Briggsgan worm and poison)

Today is when your new, slimmer life “Briggsgan”!

Peer Review the Experiment

Tell the author how he did and how he could do better.
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