If ( DoesHeLoveMe == True ) Then {
Why(“Doesn’t he ask me out?”);
}
Else {
Think(“He’s fallen in love with someone else”);
}
While ( Uncertain == True ) {
Foreach interactionsWithHim as interaction {
Foreach interaction->moments as moment {
DoesHeLoveMe = OverAnalyze(moment);
If ( DoesHeLoveMe == True ) Then {
Rejoice();
}
Else-if (DoesHeLoveMe == Maybe OR DoesHeLoveMe == CannotTellFromInteraction) Then {
Obsess = True;
}
Else {
Disregard(moment);
}
}
}
If (uncertain*time >= infinity) Then {
Talk( friend );
If ( anxiety/friend == Reassured ) Then {
Uncertain = False;
}
Else {
FreakOut();
}
}
}

Function FreakOut() {
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
HangUp(Phone);
}
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
HangUp(Phone);
}
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
HangUp(Phone);
}
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
HangUp(Phone);
}
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
HangUp(Phone);
}
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
HangUp(Phone);
}
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
HangUp(Phone);
}
Call(friend);
BolsterConfidence();
Call(Him);
If(HeAnswers == True) Then {
DoNot( HangUp( Phone ) );
While( Think( WhatToSay ) ){
heHears = Breathe*Heavily->Receiver;
}
}
HeSays(“You know, Sarah, I have caller ID”);
You = Sarah = Mortified;
Find(Voice);
Speak(You, “Brett, I’m sorry… I-I-I wanted to…”);
SwitchGears();
Speak(You, “Are you free Friday night?”);
Speak(Brett, “No…”);
Speak(You, “Oh well… Sorry… Thanks… Talk to you later”);
Speak(Brett, “Wait…”);
Heart = Beat^Speed;
Speak(Brett, “I’m free Saturday”);
Rejoice();
HangUp(Phone);
Rejoice();
Rings(Phone);
Speak(Brett, “Ummm… Did you want to go out Saturday? You ummm… hung up…”);
Make(Plans);
HappyDance(You);
}