Figured out cold fusion (in a day).

Found the sock that was lost in the laundry.

Solved division by zero.

Lead Jacque Cousteau on all his famous missions (and several minor ones).

Solved the Reimann hypothesis.

Came up with Murphy’s law. (“But how come it’s not named after you?” I once asked. “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong,” he replied.)

Ended the Cold War.

Found his own keys.

Predicted the dot com boom…and bust.

Has never been lost.

Invented deep-fried Twinkies.

Wrote the Sherman Anti-Trust Act, before that jerk Sherman took all the credit.

Did not go to the moon, but won an engineering competition with a project that became the basis for the lunar rover.

Invented skateboarding with three wheels and a two-by-four.

Won the national spelling bee at the age of four.

Found the North Pole with his assistant Nicholas Kristopher Kringle.

Got Tina into the right rehab program.

Turned her life around.

Brought our family back together.