Dear Cassie,
I’m sorry I impersonated your grandfather at the costume party, particularly since he’s been dead for ten years.
It was wrong, I know that now.
In retrospect, an accurate representation of his body’s decay was unnecessary. I will not exhume another body for “research purposes.”
Please apologize to your mom and aunts for me. I should not have lifted my arms and shouted, “Braaaaaaains!” That was uncalled for.
I hope your younger cousins will not need much therapy.
Lastly, Please also apologize to your grandmother for me. I hope the heart attack will not interfere with her chemotherapy.
Sincerely,
Jake