For sale $2, 2 for $3 Call Jim at 524-7856 ASAP

Cuteness cannot be contained!

Extremely cute kitten with black and white spots, enjoys crumpets with his tea and playing dress up. Answers to the name Princess Lubbel Pants. Call Sarah’s Mom at 453-2268

Fun and witty college senior looking to care for children, pets, plants, and/or houses. All your sitting needs in one place. Call Jenna at 583-4421. She’s standing by the phone.

If you’ve seen a lost and scared kitten with a French manicure, please call Sarah’s Mom at 453-2268

Like new. Only selling because my mom doesn’t understand the benefits of German engineering. Also claims it’s a death trap. Claims not substantiated. Call Sam at 443-2671

All the money in my piggy bank (that’s like three whole months of savings) to the man, woman, boy, girl or pet who gives a tip leading to the safe return of black and white kitten named Princess Lubbel Pants. Call Sarah’s Mom at 453-2268. (Piggy Bank not included)

The mothers of motorcycle victims (MOMVs) will hold their annual pie eating contest and fundraiser on 5/17. Shelter IV, Bingey Park. Eat some pie. Save a life. Call Sheryl at 314-1596 for details.

All kinds of cheese cut for you any time you want with flourish and excitement. Special price for bar mitzvahs, birthday parties and celebrations. Puts on great show. Cheese cutting is super fun and tasty. He’s the cheesiest guy in town! Call Harvey 226-9489

White spots on black. Pink collar with gold heart tag that says “Princess Lubbel Pants” Acts like a diva. Call Lou at 625-7791

Whole neighborhood invited. Will have cheesy entertainment and pie-eating contest. Co-sponsored by MOMVs. Relocated to Shelter VII in Bingey Park to allow for more people. Call Sarah’s Mom at 453-2268 or Sheryl at 314-1596 for details.

Party today! Pie, Cheese, and a lost kitten that’s been found. Shelter VII in Bingey Park!

Harvey “Cheeseman” Calhoon: entertainment who absconded with cat sitter, leaving a poor defenseless kitty by hisself while his devoted owner prepared a celebration in his honor.

Jenna Davis: irresponsible cat sitter.

Sam Spade: aider, abetter and a seller of motorcycle to said cheese man.

Betty Calhoon: Shelter attendant at MOMV’s pie eating contest and older sister of the “Cheeseman” who knowingly allowed a motorcycle onto the premises and set in motion what came to be called the Seventh Panic of Bingey Park.

Sarah’s Mom: for suggesting presentational cheese cutting might be good entertainment.

If you have information on any of these suspects please call Sarah’s Mom immediately at 453-2268 or contact the appropriate authorities.

Last seen wearing pretty pink princess dress with matching tiara. Black with white spots. Answers to Princess Lubbel Pants. Please, please, please call Sarah’s Mom at 453-2268. And if you see him, tell him he doesn’t have to wear the lipstick anymore. I just want him home safe.

Dear Person who left Princess Lubbel Pants on our doorstep with a poorly fabricated birth certificate stating his real name as Sir Serious Deadly McDanger Pants,

Thank you.

Princess McDanger Pants now seems quite content and unlikely to escape again.

Sincerely,
Sarah