Experiment #188

Eight Words

She’s no alien! *brain suck* Oh. My bad.

He’s no alien! *brain suck* this is hard.

Look an alien! *military ambush* Oops! Wrong guy.

“Marry Me!”

“I love Michael.”

“He’s imaginary!”


Wanted a ring. Got my own dark lord.

On a distant planet, he asked for directions.

Emperor Zarf ate his bride. Warlord family unhappy.

Tried to dissect alien. He(?) called invasion force.

Wanted socks. Purchased aliens. They didn’t fit. Embarrassing!

Alien abduction. Not fun. Alien probe. Less fun.

Pushed big red button. Galaxy exploded. #sorry #mybad.

Travelers unhappy with … Read More

Experiment #183

Prove Your Humanity

I went to log into my blog today, and after the typical username and password, it asked me a final question: to prove my humanity.

My mind reeled with the possibilities: my love for my children, my wife and I’s first kiss, the tears at my father’s funeral, the sandwich I bought the homeless man down the street, the money I send to poor children in a country I’ve never been to who speak a language … Read More

Experiment #182

The Chosen Five

A teaspoon. Just a teaspoon of Their “spice.” Something from Their home world that might cure him. They said it was safe. They said it would stop the visions. They said it would stop the pain.

First his hands curled and twisted into a shadow of their former selves. The man who had painted heavenly scenes, futuristic cities and serene space-scapes was reduced to a Jackson Pollock, throwing paint at a canvas. His feet and legs … Read More

Experiment #181

The Red Beast

Late one evening a red beast invaded our dwelling’s exhaust port, extinguishing our heat source. Bulging, red and grotesque, I had never seen such horrors even in the holographic pictures. Not wanting to draw the ire of the beast, I concealed myself in the lavatory and watched it’s progress.
It stood in the room scratching its top fur and muttering about the lack of both socks and a bedecked conifer. Finally, it tossed boxes on … Read More

Experiment #180

Purple Trees

The purple tree with purple leaves exploded in a shower of shards and splinters. Samuel holstered his plasma rifle and smirked.

“Yeh shouldn’t aggravate the trees, young-un,” said Shamus. His tone was more warning than disapproval. “Ah, stuff it, Shamus, I do what I want,” Samuel said.

“Have it your way, lad.” Shamus checked his pack to make sure the Gruuntheld was safe then hoisted it to his shoulder.

This planet had more of the substance than they knew what to … Read More

Experiment #177

How to Lose Weight in 3 Easy Steps

1. Don’t get your calories from liquids, save those for food.

2. Swallow a Briggsgan worm. This may sound unpleasant and it is, but you will shed pounds instantly! The Briggsgan worm is native to the Gorvan system and has subsisted for centuries as a parasite. It typically inhabits the Gorvanian Dracksma an ancient warrior race.

Unfortunately this race died off when a human colonist sneezed on the chief and infected her with what humans call the … Read More

Experiment #176

“We now have Polaris”

That was all the ransom message said. It came in on every radio station, newspaper, television channel and internet site. People were listening or watching or surfing and then boom they heard or saw or read “We now have Polaris.” No list of demands or reasons or anything. To make matters worse telescopes and infrared detectors could only see a dark spot where Polaris once shined so brightly.
People had kidnapped big things before: a … Read More

Experiment #173

Monsters Among Us

Experiment #172

I Thought the Singularity Would Be More Impressive

Kari flung herself onto the sofa. She had just enough time to enjoy the softness of the cushion before she felt the impact. Sonia, a three-year-old whirlwind, had vaulted over the sofa and landed on her mother’s back.

Kari resisted the urge to play dead and turned over to finish the tickle fight Sonia had started upon landing. Sonia devolved into a bucket of giggles and Kari raised her hands in victory.


When Kari’s eyes refocused Sonia was … Read More

Experiment #171

A Letter to His Supreme Majesty the President of Neblis and Lord Protector of the Seven Nebula

Dear President Constantious,

It was a pleasure to see you at the galactic summit. You certainly held Chancellor Faraday’s feet to the fire on Flepsian immigration. I am certain he will no longer export “the dregs of the galaxy” to your solar system or any other Flepsians for that matter.

I was also very glad to hear that your fifth wife, Despairia I believe it is, will be staying with you despite that very public scandal. I’m … Read More

Experiment #169


Sarah looked at her brother, Chris, then jumped. She appeared out of thin air three hundred miles away in her apartment. She stepped to the book shelf, disabled the booby-trap and pulled out a book. It had been hollowed out to hold a long cylinder, an infinium disc. Clutching it she stepped back and jumped again. She appeared a few feet from Chris just out of range of the dampening field.

“No,” Chris said. “You can’t.” His … Read More

Experiment #147

To Do:

Prepare time machine for launch
Set incision point to three days before the event
Move Mom out of blast radius (just in case)
Replace $0.50 fuse on fusion generator
Buy lottery ticket
Return Home

Experiment #112

Scientists Dad Lied About

Frederick Nerney — first described how and why those little balls appear on clothes of certain fabrics

Geronimo Fuzz — first to name the different species of dust bunny

Colonel Samuel Diaper — while stationed in Manila, his wife went out by herself for the first time since having their child. When the infant soiled his clothes Colonel Diaper, with some difficulty, cleaned the baby up. Not wishing to change all of the clothes again he wrapped the baby’s bottom … Read More

Experiment #56

Beginner Hraxinffdyshten

Hello, I’m Holly and I’m overjoyed to have you here. Welcome to your first class on Hraxinffdyshten. We’ll have you saying Glermish Krazno in a Dwiftard.

(This guided holo program is produced, copyrighted and trademarked by the Twingen Clan.)

First of all, congratulations on your seventeenth birthday and your selection. Your parents and the Hraxinffr are very proud of your service. Very few of us have the honor and privilege of seeing Hraxinffr daily, let alone learn … Read More