Experiment #82

There’s Time Part 1

A professionally edited and fully designed version of this story appears in Story Lab Magazine Issue I. You can find it on the App Store, the Google Play Store, and the Amazon App Store

Article on the Kingstown Daily Manager website dated August 27th, 2021

A tragic accident has claimed the life of local Kingstown resident Matthew Dodd. According to his wife he had gone out to fish on Lake Tulika yesterday before dawn. Hikers found his boat along … Read More

Experiment #81

There’s Time.com

We all have things we wish we’d said. Friends we wish we’d told how we felt. Lovers who need to know that in the end they held our heart… Don’t Worry. There’s Time.TM

Experiment #79

The Office Book of Shame

Sarah Wright allowed her meeting to go over its scheduled time by seventeen minutes and thirty-seven seconds.

Clarence Phelps ate the last donut in the kitchen AND left the box on the counter.

Leonard Hopkins plays music at his desk ten decibels above acceptable limits.

Samuel Gilchrist leaves his lunch in the group fridge until it smells.

Jennifer Johnson does not provide IT support, despite it being directly spelled out in her job description.

Christina Sellers does not pick up … Read More

Experiment #78

Pink Slip

“Ummm… I’m sorry. This came to my house instead of yours. I’m at thirteen Clearwood and the mail person must have looked at it quickly and didn’t see the street.

“Since I was just a couple of streets over, I thought I’d deliver it. Wanted to make sure you got it in a timely fashion. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Steve took the letter from the man at his front door. A business size envelope … Read More

Experiment #75

Dog Gone

I am not an animal lover, but in the last eight years, by virtue of my marriage, I have mourned the loss of six animals (five dogs and one cat). I fell for an animal lover and I have paid the price in sorrow.

When I married on a bright summer day in 2005, I received two dogs and a cat in the bargain, each of which my wife had had for more than a decade. … Read More

Experiment #74

Things to Remember

Throwing a light bulb at someone’s head is not the same as giving them an idea

Although your roommate’s prescription pill bottles are custom built for carrying pills, they do not make a good travel container for Tylenol, or so Officer Lebowittz tells me.

Bringing a knife to a gun show isn’t a good idea either.

The homeless man who draws numbers in notebooks probably won’t make the best accountant.

Just because monkeys share DNA with humans it does … Read More

Experiment #72

6 Easy Steps to Getting Your Stupid Content Clicked On

1 Put a Number in the Title

People like numbers. They feel finite and understandable, as if they could contain the expanses of the universe in a plastic tea-cup or a numbered list.

2 Make Difficult Tasks Sound Achievable in Finite, Incremental Steps

Rule the world in 3 easy steps. 5 ways to stop cancer. 10 reasons people like you can be more successful than you are. 7 secrets of ultimate happiness and fulfillment. 8 simple, easy steps … Read More

Experiment #70

Differential Equations Part 2 of 2

He marched out of the break room door, his anger cocked.

“Attention! Attention, please!” He called in his deep baritone. “Will he or she who took the last donut please stand up?”

The room dropped into silence at his bellow. No one stood. Phil looked around the room. His eyes paused at Carolyn’s empty desk.

“What kind of animal doesn’t clean up after herself?” He yelled. He threw the box onto Carolyn’s desk. Crumbs and sprinkles spilled across … Read More

Experiment #68

Differential Equations Part 1 of 2

“Hey Phil,” Steve said. He leaned out from behind their cubicle wall “have you worked on those reports yet?”

Phil sat back and rubbed his eyes.

Hmmmm Phil thought, We talked about some kind of report in the meeting this morning. What was it? Rob said something about reports the accounting department needed, but that was about the time he brought out the donuts.

Palooka’s donuts.

It was a tough choice between chocolate cream or glaze. Carolyn … Read More

Experiment #65

Love & Taxes Part 3 of 3

int. psychiatrist’s office – day

Bernie

That was a week ago and I haven’t seen her since.

psychiatrist

How does this make you feel?

Bernie

You don’t understand, Doctor, I’ve been over this a thousand times and… and… I know I’ve got my problems, but that’s not why I’m here.

psychiatrist

Why are you here then?

Bernie

(ashamed)

Because I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t know where else to go.

Read More

Experiment #64

Love & Taxes Part 2 of 3

int. psychiatrist’s office – day

We look over the shoulder of the psychiatrist at Bernie who sits in a chair across from her.  We can just barely see notes on the clipboard over her shoulder, “lonely, neurotic, unable to communicate with women“.

psychiatrist

What happened next?

Bernie

I was too nervous to ask her out so I shook her hand and left… by the time I was out the door, I was sure she wouldn’t’ve said yes, by … Read More

Experiment #63

Love & Taxes Part 1 of 3

Fade in

ext. city street outside Allyson’s apartment – day

A man, Bernie, hurriedly crosses the street and looks from a piece of paper in his hand to the numbers on the buildings above him.

Consumed in his hurried search for the right building, his eyes miss the crack in the sidewalk, but his feet don’t.

He picks himself up and picks up his briefcase. He continues the search, but more slowly.

Bernie (v.o.)

Read More

Experiment #42

Else { FreakOut(); }

If ( DoesHeLoveMe == True ) Then {
Why(“Doesn’t he ask me out?”);
}
Else {
Think(“He’s fallen in love with someone else”);
}
While ( Uncertain == True ) {
Foreach interactionsWithHim as interaction {
Foreach interaction->moments as moment {
DoesHeLoveMe = OverAnalyze(moment);
If ( DoesHeLoveMe == True ) Then {
Rejoice();
}
Else-if (DoesHeLoveMe == Maybe OR DoesHeLoveMe == CannotTellFromInteraction) Then {
Obsess = True;
}
Else {
Disregard(moment);
}
}
}
If … Read More

Experiment #41

In a Minute…

Will you play with me?

In a minute.

Ok… Ready?

It’s only been a second.

Well how long is a minute?

60 seconds

Ok… 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10… 60

That’s not quite how it works. Say ‘1 pepperoni’ ‘2 pepperoni’ all the way to ’60 pepperoni’—Saying all of the numbers—and that will be a minute.

I don’t like pepperoni

Ok, then use “slices of pizza”. I know you like that.

Fine. 1 slice of pizza, 2 slices of pizza, … Read More

Experiment #31

Note to Self

Use less cologne.

Don’t bring up super hero movies.

Girls do not seem impressed by your impersonations of the cast of the original Star Trek.

Maybe you should find a wingman.

Find a wingman who doesn’t scare away the girl you were talking to.

Find a wingman who doesn’t leave with the girl you were talking to.

Find a wingman who doesn’t dance on the bar, rip off his shirt, and scream, “I am the King of Fancy Pants!” Every time … Read More