Experiment #315

The Cleverest Contraption of Jeremiah Brown Part 2

As is typical with politicians, Mayor Brewins agreed with whichever constituent he was speaking to at the moment, and pledged his defense of their claim to the death. No headway could be made, and all three parties threatened to boycott the event.

To solve this problem, Jeremiah Brown built a giant Ferris wheel on top of the town square. He affixed three great platforms to the wheel so that they could be moved on and off … Read More

Experiment #314

The Cleverest Contraption of Jeremiah Brown Part 1

The famed young inventor, Jeremiah Brown, got up on stage at Stapleton’s theatre to display his newest invention: an automatic conscience. A breathless moment followed where the standing-room-only crowd stared at what seemed to be an empty table. One confused little boy in the crowd called out, “There’s nothing there, Mommy!”

The crowd burst into laughter.

***

As problems came up among the various people in his town, a teenaged Jeremiah Brown began to invent solutions. As he … Read More

Experiment #307

The Well Laid Plans of Dogs & Cats

A tenuous peace had reigned in the Smith household when Skittles yawned and said, “They love us more.”

“Nonsense,” Duke replied.

Skittles pointed to the immaculate cat tree and the overflowing cat feeder, then to the dirty dog bed and the empty dog dishes.

Duke growled. “We’ll see.”

The dogs, Roscoe and Duke, worked their puppy dog eyes and wagged their tails.

The cats, Skittles and Pinklionlady, ignored everyone.

The dogs didn’t want to just win; they wanted to destroy the … Read More

Experiment #293

Aunt Myrtle

A portrait of Aunt Myrtle hung from a noose in our living room. The noose itself was just my father’s way of using whatever bits and pieces were about to do the task at hand. He also thought it’d be a nice conversation piece among visitors, if we ever had any.

Aunt Myrtle, my mother’s favorite aunt, had long black hair twisted together in a loose bun that spilled out the back in snake-like waves. Her … Read More

Experiment #273

The Wizard of Wall Street

Not so many years ago, Wall Street had its very own wizard. He was typical of wizards–eccentric, bearded, and obsessed with numbers. He mumbled to himself and rarely bathed, but wherever he went a stream of hungry young traders followed him. They tried to catch every clairvoyant word that slipped through his chapped lips.

Read the rest on DailyScienceFiction.com

Experiment #245

The Miracle Man Part 5

“You doing anything?”

Cindy looked up. The bartender stared at her, smiling.

“You wanna catch a late, late dinner?” The bartender asked.

Cindy looked over her shoulder to see who he was talking to.

“You,” he said, looking right at her.

Cindy looked at him bewildered. “Why?” she asked.

The bartender grew self-conscious. “Can’t a guy ask a pretty girl out anymore?”

“That’d be a miracle,” she said.

“Well,” he said, “call me Jesus Christ.”

“You’re far from the Messiah,” she said, but she … Read More

Experiment #244

The Miracle Man Part 4

Soon they landed back in court. Virgil had lost a very lucrative business deal due to some the client’s daughter. Now his business was in trouble and he tried to reclaim his two thousand dollars and to prevent Cindy from using a shared savings account (one set up by them for the window seat and alcove installation) to pay for the repairs. Virgil lost this case, but it did not matter much to Cindy. The check … Read More

Experiment #243

The Miracle Man Part 3

After Cindy left the hospital and settled herself in a new apartment, Virgil came over with a check.

“I know things between us have not gone well this past year,” he said. “But I hope this will help.”

“You want to give me a check?” Cindy asked.

“That’s right,” Virgil said. “It’s not much, but it’s something.”

At his insistence, Cindy took the check, but decided not to cash it until she spoke with a lawyer.

A few weeks later … Read More

Experiment #242

The Miracle Man Part 2

Cindy shoved the truck into reverse and floored it backward into the house. Her tail lights entered the living room at just the place where Janice had been standing only a few moments earlier.

Janice later told the story to her therapist this way, “Well, I just wouldn’t be sitting here now if not for cheese balls.

“Virgil’s bowl was empty so I went to the kitchen to refill it. Then that maniac drove Virgil’s antique truck … Read More

Experiment #241

The Miracle Man Part 1

Even before it came into view, she could hear it tinkling in the distance. Little bits of metal rubbing against each other like a wind chime on steroids.

Next came the plodding clip-clops of the old cart horse. That old horse would have lost to a snail in a race, but he could trudge on through the worst blizzard or cross the deepest river. Steady as he goes.

Then came the creak of the wheels singing like … Read More

Experiment #237

Autocorrect Love

Ok, I read that last email you wrote her and Wooh, boy! I’ll have no chance with her laptop if you don’t up your game. Here: You write one of those piles of cat crap you call a love note and I’ll “autocorrect” it so it doesn’t suck.

*Your hair is like shaved butternut squash*

You trying to make this hard?

How about: “I love you.”

*You are the Jules to my Verne*

“I love you.”

*Your eyes are like shoe … Read More

Experiment #212

Confessions of a Shapeshifter

Dear Cassie,

I’m sorry I impersonated your grandfather at the costume party, particularly since he’s been dead for ten years.

It was wrong, I know that now.

In retrospect, an accurate representation of his body’s decay was unnecessary. I will not exhume another body for “research purposes.”

Please apologize to your mom and aunts for me. I should not have lifted my arms and shouted, “Braaaaaaains!” That was uncalled for.

I hope your younger cousins will not need much therapy.

Lastly, … Read More

Experiment #184

Half Truths Mom Told Me

Babies are… They come from… It’s magic.

In all my twenty-nine years, I’ve never seen..

If I were your age, I’d think you were the handsomest boy in the class.

We’ll just put it in the wash. Your father’ll never know the difference.

Aunt Laverne pinches because she cares… Well, you are “just the cutest little boy there ever was.”

Most kids would be happy to wear a sweater with such an interesting design.

There are a lot of kids who … Read More

Experiment #178

History Dad Lied About

The Russo Prussian war was named after Peter Russo from house of Cards who did a lot of historical research on it.

Mozart was raised by a group of wolves, hence his first name.

Star Wars should be in your history book. Just cuz it was in a galaxy far far away doesn’t mean you can’t study it.

Neapolitan is an anglicization of Napoleon who liked it when things came in three varieties.

Rome was not built in a … Read More

Experiment #175

The Dictionary of Gerald Grey: Martial Arts Edition

Deja Fu – when you feel like you’ve had this martial arts battle before.

Taekwondoughnut – what my mom always says after we get a fresh dozen

Karate – what Mom’s stew tastes like when she puts too many carrots in it.

Shoedo – the ancient art of throwing shoes at your opponent (sometimes spelled “Judo” for unknown reasons)

Aikido – What Uncle Art says before he laughs and after saying something that makes grandma blush

Combat – the scariest … Read More