Dinner didn’t agree with him… about being eaten
The Kraken fried the chefs like calamari. Comeuppance.
“Who do you think you are?”
“Your Mom.”
The goat surrendered herself, ending the Cheese War
Hacker tried to steal own identity, but failed.
“Moron!”
“Well, the same to you, Captain Obvious”
“Whaddja name your puppy?” Simon asked.
“Ummm… Simon…”
Little by little the cancer ate her away.
“That’s ok, Alien Overlord. No one liked Florida.”
“I got this,” Dad said before the disaster.
“You sure this is safe?”
Zzzzzzap!
“I was.”
Gadzooks bent and whispered, “try being named ‘Gadzooks’.”
Pandora closed the box before “peace” could escape.
“One day you’ll understand.”
“Today?”
“Probably not.”
“Tomorrow?”
Gave blood. Got herpes. Lost Girlfriend. Gained perspective.
“‘Radioactive pants’ was NOT our best idea ever.”
“Chernobyl was an inside job!”
“Wrong conspiracy theory.”
“Can I go home?” Grandma asked the priest.
“He’s beginning to believe…”
“In canned cheese?”
“Yes…”
Even his pants were ashamed of his wardrobe.