Dinner didn’t agree with him… about being eaten

---

The Kraken fried the chefs like calamari. Comeuppance.

---

“Who do you think you are?”

“Your Mom.”

---

The goat surrendered herself, ending the Cheese War

---

Hacker tried to steal own identity, but failed.

---

“Moron!”

“Well, the same to you, Captain Obvious”

---

“Whaddja name your puppy?” Simon asked.

“Ummm… Simon…”

---

Little by little the cancer ate her away.

---

“That’s ok, Alien Overlord. No one liked Florida.”

---

“I got this,” Dad said before the disaster.

---

“You sure this is safe?”

Zzzzzzap!

“I was.”

---

Gadzooks bent and whispered, “try being named ‘Gadzooks’.”

---

Pandora closed the box before “peace” could escape.

---

“One day you’ll understand.”

“Today?”

“Probably not.”

“Tomorrow?”

---

Gave blood. Got herpes. Lost Girlfriend. Gained perspective.

---

“‘Radioactive pants’ was NOT our best idea ever.”

---

“Chernobyl was an inside job!”

“Wrong conspiracy theory.”

---

“Can I go home?” Grandma asked the priest.

---

“He’s beginning to believe…”

“In canned cheese?”

“Yes…”

---

Even his pants were ashamed of his wardrobe.