Galactic Senate pins hopes on teen’s Tinder swipes
Man shot during fight: “Shouldn’t have brought knife.”
Mystical temple found. Billionaire leases for photo shoot.
Scientist contacts aliens using TV signals. No reply.
Mythical dagger found in kitchen while cutting cheese.
Aliens discover aerosol cheese, enslave humanity to make it.
CSPAN broadcast forces aliens to die of boredom.
Pentagon battles to be designated “most popular polygon.”
He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows.
You better watch out. Santa Claus is coming.
Triangle feels Blue. Blue sues. Triangle feels Obtuse.
Spaceship lands on Pluto, finds dwarves. IAU vindicated.
Spacesuit breached. Time running out. Must set DVR…