Experiment #96

The Dictionary of Gerald Grey: Psychiatric Edition (DSM5b)

Mega-Mall-omania: wanting your life to be ruled by malls

Dating Syndrome: characterized by two people going somewhere to discuss that day’s date and, often, the time too (Sounds boring)

Kissings Disease: Throwing name-brand chocolates at each other, at least, according to Dad.

French Kissings Disease: Throwing name-brand little European chocolates at each other.

Text-alotsia: the condition Dad says Janie has especially when he sees the cell phone bill.

DramaQueen-itis: what Mom says Dad has after he sees the cell phone bill

GetOutOfMyRoomatoka: Territorial neurosis characterized by shouting, screaming and general overreacting when a younger sibling enters your room.

NotAMicrophone-io: singing into any non-microphone object as if you were a superstar. Common objects: hair brush, makeup applicator, toothbrush, anything oblong within reach.

Imfine: usually expressed verbally with a sigh and frustrated look, often characterized by the opposite feeling.

Youneverletmehaveanyfun-aloo: a condition commonly found on Friday nights or during the discussion of Friday night plans. References to nuns and chastity belts often accompany the main symptoms.

Boyfriend-emia: Condition sought by boys named Dirk or Biff or Spud who own motorcycles

Friendboy-emia: Condition thrust upon boys like Jason who own no motorcycles.

NiceGuysFinishLastalla: related to Friendboy-emia and characterized by mopeyness and whining to everyone who’ll listen about having Friendboy-emia

NeverGivesUp-ia: if Jason can contract this disease he’ll be just fine

2 peer reviews of “The Dictionary of Gerald Grey: Psychiatric Edition (DSM5b)

  1. Hey! You met me through a Listserve email you responded to last night. I read this one and I really like how you characterize the dictionary definitions, but it really makes me want to read the story that goes along with this set of definitions! Maybe you never intended for there to be a story, but I feel very strongly this could turn into a really cool book type!

    • Hi Kim,

      Interesting idea. I hadn’t thought about using this as a piece of a larger story, though Gerald has defined many things over the years. I’ll definitely be thinking about that. Thanks!

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