Experiment #237

Autocorrect Love

Ok, I read that last email you wrote her and Wooh, boy! I’ll have no chance with her laptop if you don’t up your game. Here: You write one of those piles of cat crap you call a love note and I’ll “autocorrect” it so it doesn’t suck.

*Your hair is like shaved butternut squash*

You trying to make this hard?

How about: “I love you.”

*You are the Jules to my Verne*

“I love you.”

*Your eyes are like shoe … Read More

Experiment #212

Confessions of a Shapeshifter

Dear Cassie,

I’m sorry I impersonated your grandfather at the costume party, particularly since he’s been dead for ten years.

It was wrong, I know that now.

In retrospect, an accurate representation of his body’s decay was unnecessary. I will not exhume another body for “research purposes.”

Please apologize to your mom and aunts for me. I should not have lifted my arms and shouted, “Braaaaaaains!” That was uncalled for.

I hope your younger cousins will not need much therapy.

Lastly, … Read More

Experiment #210

Superhero

James longed to be a superhero. He slathered himself in toxic waste, shot himself with alpha, beta, and gamma rays, traveled through unknown dimensions, unearthed mystic objects, allowed mutant insects to bite, sting, and lay eggs on him, built super suits and weapons and handheld jet engines, bathed himself in solar wind and rays, electrocuted himself five different ways, spent decades learning martial arts and magic resonance, drank super serums, trained in assassin organizations, made … Read More

Experiment #208

Monologue

“…And now you shall die, Captain Awesome!”

“If I may say so, Dr. Monstrous, that was quite an impressive monologue. Far better than usual.”

“Why thank you, Captain Awesome. I’ve been working on it with my speech club.”

“It certainly shows. Unfortunately, though, it gave me time to cut the ropes and prepare my escape.”

“All part of my plan.”

“Come now, Dr. Monstrous, you’re making that up.”

“No, no, that rope was the only thing keeping my monster’s cage closed. … Read More

Experiment #206

The Inimitable Dr. Vapor

Dr. Vapor leaned over his fifth glass of Glarfan Ale. “I killed someone once.”

“Really?” Sarah asked, eyes wide.

Vapor nodded. “It’s true. A girl from Flerdill province.”

“Why?”

“She was naughty,” Vapor said. “Extortion, blackmail, and… beauty. But never so beautiful as you.”

Sarah giggled. “I heard no weapon was found.”

“I used one of my Vapor spears. Hard as rock for an hour then *poof* dissolves into thin air.”

Vapor laughed, then suddenly sat up. “Wait. How did you know … Read More