Experiment #109

Lies Dad Told to Protect Me

Just like garlic wards off vampires, vegetables ward off monsters. Particularly the kind I saw under your bed this morning.

You eat one more bite of that Sundae and you might explode. I’ve seen it happen before… with your older brother. (“I don’t have an older brother,” I said) Nope, not anymore. Better let me finish that for you.

Paper cuts can be fatal.

You can run away if you want, but I won’t be responsible if the mountain lions eat you.

Who wants to see the final game of the World Series anyway?

That’s totally Ninja. See that dark spot by his fin? He’s always had that. What? You really think I went to the store and found a fish exactly like him? Seriously?

If you wander too far from me in the store you’ll be outside my protection zone. The warlocks have been eyeing you lately. Better stick close.

This medicine tastes like ice cream.

It’s just a flesh wound, I’ll be fine.

Well… that’s how I lost a finger. (But you still have ten) Yes, but I once had fifteen.

Nah, it looks fine, your arm is supposed to bend that way. It’s totally fine, but since Mom’ll freak out, we’ll go have it checked out, ok?

Robot hunters patrol the streets outside our development. They seem programmed to go after children who aren’t where they belong.

She died on impact.

She never felt a thing.

It’s not your fault.

2 peer reviews of “Lies Dad Told to Protect Me

  1. I love the impact of the last three clauses.

    I think they’d have had more impact if your writing was a bit tighter. Some of the lies were a bit awkwardly written – particularly the one about the fish, and the one about the sundae. I’d like to see shorter, and snappier. Inject some more of your Dad’s personality into the lies by mixing it up a little, rather than just a list.

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