Experiment #247

Villainous Classifieds

Nemesis Wanted
BG seeking GG for Nemesis-ian relationship. Must have respectable skills and abilities. Genetic mutations need not apply. Mystical powers preferred.

Has the public turned on you?
Dr. Fallacy & Associates, attorneys-at-law, would like to help. We’ve represented hundreds of misunderstood villains in thousands of cases. Just because he’s a “GG” doesn’t mean he’s above the law. Know your rights. Call the experienced law firm. We’re here to help.

Seeking Evil Compatriot
The Villainous V seeks … Read More

Experiment #210

Superhero

James longed to be a superhero. He slathered himself in toxic waste, shot himself with alpha, beta, and gamma rays, traveled through unknown dimensions, unearthed mystic objects, allowed mutant insects to bite, sting, and lay eggs on him, built super suits and weapons and handheld jet engines, bathed himself in solar wind and rays, electrocuted himself five different ways, spent decades learning martial arts and magic resonance, drank super serums, trained in assassin organizations, made … Read More

Experiment #208

Monologue

“…And now you shall die, Captain Awesome!”

“If I may say so, Dr. Monstrous, that was quite an impressive monologue. Far better than usual.”

“Why thank you, Captain Awesome. I’ve been working on it with my speech club.”

“It certainly shows. Unfortunately, though, it gave me time to cut the ropes and prepare my escape.”

“All part of my plan.”

“Come now, Dr. Monstrous, you’re making that up.”

“No, no, that rope was the only thing keeping my monster’s cage closed. … Read More

Experiment #190

Nemesis Wanted

The evil Dr. Slymee, creator of the première genetically mutated army of super slugs, (near) World Conqueror, and inventor of Slymeez hair gel seeks qualified hero to battle on regular occasions as nemesis. (His original nemesis is no longer available due to contract disputes and other legal issues).

Requirements:

Loves children and puppies and will be heartbroken if an evil villain attempted to slime them.

Seeks good and the betterment of mankind. Places that above his/her own desires/personal … Read More

Experiment #174

HELP!

Seeking hero to save me from dastardly villain.

Requirements:

Strength. I’m currently chained to the floor by said dastardly villain. Most extraction scenarios require at least some amount of strength to bust through a wall and/or rip apart the chains.

Good swimmer. Given that I’m chained to the bottom of a well and that that well is currently filling with water, unless you hurry, you will need to swim to get me out.

Very Quick. This is not only … Read More

Experiment #168

Marvel Rejects

Bruce Banter – the Hulk’s loquacious evil twin (now you know the source of his rage)

Captain Marble – a young man who had the power of turning things into a type of felsic intrusive igneous rock. No one knows why he chose the name Captain Marble (since that’s a metamorphic rock), but later biographers assume he did not wish to be taken for Granite.

HawkGuy – Through a botched ritual, Simon Kestrel, turned his arms into … Read More

Experiment #166

Lessons From a Sidekick

Invincibility and invisibility are not the same thing.

Heroes aren’t perfect even if their teeth are.

Villains have feelings too. Albeit sociopathic ones.

If you smash their house fighting a super villain, people probably won’t throw you a party, particularly if your hero calls them a bunch of whiners and fake sobs at their town hall meeting.

Tights are well named, and have a propensity for bunching in all the wrong places.

Capes look awesome. Not so functional.

Always put away … Read More

Experiment #165

The Minor Heroes of Briggs County

Due to its proximity to a large metropolitan area, lenient laws on citizen crime fighting, radioactive waste seeping out of the public landfill, a score of mystical objects buried there and a hero or two from the area who became ridiculously rich and famous, Briggs County became the hero capital of the world with citizens of all stripes (super powered or not) trying their hand at hero work.

Some of these heroes found fame and fortune … Read More